Jul 29, 2014

The view this morning


The Signalhorn seen from our chalet 

(How to explain this? You've heard of Trotzki vs. Stalin? Along those lines. The snowflakes are fake, but the rest is not. This morning, around 7 AM)

Jul 25, 2014

Gallery (7)



"Les amores Kabuki" Hideki Koh

Green Eyes --- Part II (This is heaven) (Chapter 19, Teaser: "Room service, room service")

Professor Bienpensant sent us on a wild goose chase into the hotel chamber of Juliette, where Alex performed a "post-coital checkup" on Romeo (not what you think). Now we're in the truck, going to meet Godehart in the Blue Moon.

Alex laughs. Chuckles. Slaps my shoulder (even though that’s difficult to do because we’re driving). “This is your influence,” he says.
“What?”
“The post-coital checkup, this is so you, you could have invented this.”
“What?”
“You are contagious, dude. This is so you.”
“Never heard of a post-coital checkup.”

He roars. “Gotcha, gotcha.”

“It felt like absurd theater, somehow, the ‘check-up.’ Like Ionesco.”
“Yonesco?”
“Yes, Absurd Theater, nineteen fiftieth, Ionesco, funny version of Beckett.”
“Beckett? Waiting for Godot?”
“Yes, but funnier.”
“Absurd is when you don’t know whether it’s funny or not, isn’t it?”
“Ooh-kay,” I say.
“This is so you. I love you man” (slaps my shoulder again).
___________________

"Absurd is when you don't know whether it's funny or not, isn't it?" 
___________________

“That's not a compliment, or is it?”
“Absurd theater … I have no sense of my personality, dude, I don’t know who I am. But I’m sure, I wasn’t like this before. ‘Post-coital checkup.’ This is your influence.” He kisses my cheek. “‘Dude’ is meant as a compliment.”
“Thank you.”

"Room service, room service!" --- a still from Mel Brook's Spaceballs (1987)

Gallery (5) --reposted

(Pedro Palanca died yesterday from HIV-related liver complications --- we posted this only 10 days ago:)

"Drinking men," Pedro Palanca
(We asked Pedro about the year of the painting, and the title, and he wrote back: "Oh this one has many titles... but in fact it's about grape distilling (an old fashioned way) to make wine or pisco and it is still practiced (but not so promoted). The piece dates from 1996-1997")

(For more art, go here)

Jul 24, 2014

"That's not enough!" (French for beginners)

Please read this...it's only one paragraph  from the London Review of Books connecting our recent Foucault post (by Mr. E.) with our own faux-French background with our quest for happy endings (just so that you know, Alain Robbe-Grillet was the inventor of the nouveau roman)...please read this:

Alain Robbe-Grillet

"By now, most readers in France had ceased to care [about Robbe-Grillet]; even his intellectual champions lost interest, although  [Roland] Barthes stood by him. ‘Transgression’ had come to mean l’écriture féminine and gay erotica; Robbe-Grillet’s hetero-sadist fixations looked decidedly démodé, quite possibly reactionary. (Fredric Jameson wondered whether his books had become ‘unreadable since feminism’.) At the party for  Barthes’s 1977 inaugural lecture at the Collège de France, Foucault confronted Robbe-Grillet: ‘I have told you this already and I will say it again, Alain: when it comes to sex, you are, and always have been misguided!’ Barthes rose to his defence, reminding Foucault that Robbe-Grillet was, at the very least, a pervert. Foucault replied: ‘Ça ne suffit pas!’"

Jul 21, 2014

Gallery (6)


"Speciman A and B," Jack Cowan (1998)

(For more art please click here)

Jul 18, 2014

Green Eyes --- Part II (This is heaven) (Chapter 19, teaser: Do not disturb)

We know Romeo and Juliette are spending quality time together, and now what? While Bienpensant and John do jury duty at the festival, the professor receives a very disquieting email that seems to come from Juliette:


She grabs my elbow and pulls me up. “It’s Juliette,” she cries, “Juliette. She talked about you. I need your help.” She drags me across the field.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Juliette,” she say (cries) again, “Juliette. Oh my God.”
___________________________

There it dangles, the do-not-disturb sign, perhaps swinging a bit on its knob in response to all the excitement.
___________________________

We arrive at the stand where Alex interrupts his conversation with Ben. Barbette has already clutched Alex’s hand and hands him the iPhone. Alex reads for an eternity. A second later he pockets the phone, says “you take over” to Ben, and “we take your car” to me, and hurries toward the exit. Bienpensant and I hustle behind. This is not the moment to begin a conversation about Shakespeare.

Balcony in Verona (not the Atlantic Sands Hotel)

The Atlantic Sands Hotel is two minutes away, parking takes more time than driving. “What is it,” I ask Alex. “A suicide letter,” he says. We scale the echo chamber of a staircase. Room 312. There it dangles, the do-not-disturb sign, perhaps swinging a bit on its knob in response to all the excitement.

Jul 15, 2014

Gallery (5) (reposted)


"Drinking men," Pedro Palanca
(We asked Pedro about the year of the painting, and the title, and he wrote back: "Oh this one has many titles... but in fact it's about grape distilling (an old fashioned way) to make wine or pisco and it is still practiced (but not so promoted). The piece dates from 1996-1997")

(For more art, go here)

Jul 13, 2014

The fountain of Geneva (5) --- "Infinite Jest"

John and Alex, our friends from the Green Eyes, are being told the back story of the Fountain of Geneva, the most phallic object on the planet (in a liquid sense). Hadrian, the visiting Roman emperor (117-138 AD), had to help the Swiss locals deal with a ravaging Nordic tribe, the Muttoni. And he did so, apparently. Richard Zugabe, librarian of the city archives of Geneva, explains how (his last sentence was: "Nothing was ever heard of the Muttoni again.")


Part V --- "Infinite Jest"


There is a silence. “Cool,” Alex says. “You are going to elaborate?”
“I will try.”

“They got OD’d on this Megalo-wine,” I say, “they had no tolerance for the stuff.”
“Right, that would be hypothesis number one. It had been my working hypothesis until I discovered yet another document in the archives with an imperial order issued on the fifth of September of the same year, sending a platoon of Army Engineers across the Passo di Monte Moro into the Saas valley.

Saas valley, including Lake Mattmark, seen from the Passo di Monte Moro

“Hadrian had been given a tour of the place, so you can assume that he was shown Lake Mattmark, a pearl of a mountain lake sitting right above the grounds of the Muttoni settlement.”
“Above the grounds? Above?”
___________________

The ice barrier would collapse and the water would gush down the valley and destroy everything in its path. 
___________________

Gallery (4)

"Triumph over empire," Wes Hempel

(For more art, go here)

Jul 11, 2014

"Mouth open," "motherfucker," "it hurts," "my thighs are apart," FKA Twig --- 2 weeks (Clip)

(This seems to be the thing now. Jezza Smilez has the clip on his site, and so on:) 


(Lyrics)

I know it hurts
You know I’d quench that thirst
(I can treat you better than the)
You say you're lonely
I say you'll think about it
Cause you're the only
One who resonates that chaste, mouth open like (High)

Jul 9, 2014

The fountain of Geneva (4) --- the Muttoni's last meal

John and Alex, our friends from the Green Eyes, are being told the back story of the Fountain of Geneva, the most phallic object on the planet (in a liquid sense). Hadrian, the visiting Roman emperor (117-138 AD), has to help the Swiss locals deal with a ravaging Nordic tribe, the Muttoni. And he does so in a circuitous way. He starts a school for erotic talent, the School of Antinous, named after his late lover. Richard Zugabe, librarian of the city archives of Geneva, tells the story. 

Part IV --- the Muttoni's last meal

“Yes, right. So, Hadrian would inspect his Antinousians lined up and fitted in Praetorian garb---the spectacular helmet with a feathered, Cherokee-like crescent fitted to the top, the breast-plate of chased bronze molded to the perfect fit of toned pecs and rippled abs, the humble belt with a loop for the scabbard and a notch to rest the shield. With the belt coming off everything else would drop, creating a wealth of quick opportunities behind (or in front of) the bushes.

Hadrian and Antinous, British Museum

“Trained personnel would see to the maintenance of the bespoke outfits. Hadrian, by the way, had by now been in residence for several months. His entourage had grown considerably with the addition of specialists from all walks of court life, spokespeople, equerries, not to mention personalized assistants who would handle Antinousian emails.”

“Huh?”

“Just to see whether you are still with me. So Hadrian would now select one or more of his pupils, meaning they were to join him on a dais fashioned for group activity---tiger skins, couches, cushions, ancillary toys---but the account I’m referring to is about a one-on-one from the early days of the program.

___________________

There he stands, naked, his genitals sparkling in the morning sun
___________________

The elected youth, Anaximandrius, takes Hadrian’s hand---it is his task now to seduce the Emperor---and lead him to the dais. He invites Hadrian to recline on a couch, then unties his sword and hands it to his personal assistant. Next comes off the helmet.

Νικασίτιμος οἶφε Τιμίονα --- Freshly excavated

"Nikasitimos was here mounting Timiona"
(From the Guardian:)

Wild, windswept, rocky and remote, Astypalaia is not an obvious place for the unearthing of some of the world's earliest erotic graffiti.

Certainly, Dr Andreas Vlachopoulos, a specialist in prehistoric archaeology, didn't think so when he began fieldwork on the Aegean island four years ago. Until he chanced upon a couple of racy inscriptions and large phalluses carved into Astypalaia's rocky peninsula at Vathy. The inscriptions, both dating to the fifth and sixth centuries BC, were "so monumental in scale" – and so tantalisingly clear – he was left in no doubt of the motivation behind the artworks.

Jul 8, 2014

Gallery (3)

"Finistrère," Paul Cadmus (1952) (Note the baguette)

(For more art, go here)

Jul 7, 2014

The fountain of Geneva (3) --- erotic talent

John and Alex, our friends from the Green Eyes, are being told the back story of the Fountain of Geneva, the most phallic object on the planet, in a liquid sense. Hadrian, the visiting Roman emperor (117-138 AD), has to help the Swiss locals deal with a ravaging Nordic tribe, the Muttoni. And he does so in a circuitous way. He starts a school for erotic talent. Richard Zugabe, librarian of the city archives of Geneva, tells the story. Please note the adult content warning.

Part III --- Erotic talent

“When I said that Hadrian kept his plan secret, I meant he kept his intentions secret; the facts were plainly recorded. He put an empire-wide call out for, let me concentrate, let’s get this verbatim, for the primum proelium ego ingenium venereae.”
“Huh?”


Publius Aelius Hadrianus Augustus (Hadrian), Palazzo dei Conservatori, Capitoline Museums.

“I-have-erotic-talent, roughly. You’ll see soon. The call was a big success, the emperor calls upon the youth of the nation, what do you expect, most Roman careers involved the casting couch. So he held his own talent show---even women were admitted in the audience---first to filter for physical features, then to identify sexual prowess, then to select the sensual few. Hadrian had a sensual soul, and he yearned for reciprocity.
___________________

These boys were not for one night, mind you; to complete the program they had to get laid for several months.
___________________


These boys were not for one night, mind you; to complete the program they had to get laid for several months. His final selection comprised exactly fifty specimen of the finest proto-erotici ever gathered in one place.”

“Wow,” I say.


Jul 5, 2014

German for beginners (Sacha)

Most readers of this blog, we can safely assume, know this picture:


But how about this one:



(Saying: "The removal of this notice is strictly forbidden---The German Railways"


I'm gay, I guess






Jul 4, 2014

Gallery (2)


"Samourai" (detail) Christiane Vleugels

For more stuff, go here

Jul 3, 2014

Green Eyes --- Part II (This is heaven) (Chapter 17, teaser: A touch of Huckleberry Finn)

We're back on track now, writing new chapters. Here's a teaser from Chapter 17 about the second festival day, the day of vampire trivia. John has been appointed a member of the festival jury (don't ask how).


The arrangement is that the jury members take turns. When it’s your turn you get up to the mike and shoot the next question. It’s by no means The Weakest Link, there is no setup of banking points or teaming up, candidates get points for good answers and Harrell in the control room takes another sip from his flask and updates the score on a spreadsheet. The quiz is supposed to go on until the list is exhausted, there will be the usual interludes from local artists, and Harrell’s spreadsheet will decide which candidate drops at the end of the day.

The Weakest Link 

Somebody suggested a point scheme that would “encourage and motivate the candidates,” so wrong answers should get points as well (“fewer, fewer points”), but then we got into a discussion whether family-unfriendly answers should get any points at all until the mayor hinted that Harrell and his spreadsheet were going through a rough spot and should be treated with care.
___________________

There’s a touch of Huckleberry Finn in the air, especially the chapter where the Duke and King Looy mount the award-winning balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet... 
____________________

We’re famous now, each member of the jury got introduced to the crowd in glowing terms by the master of ceremonies. The affiliation of yours truly, Southern Georgia College, acquired a “proud reputation” for being “award-winning.” Professor Barbette is a “metaphysical celebrity” and a descendant of the prophets (“via the Mayflower”). Raphael Beeblebrox re-invented the English language (“practically”). There’s a touch of Huckleberry Finn in the air, especially the chapter where the Duke and King Looy mount the award-winning balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet. Alex will later share that all of us possibly descend from the prophets since the last common ancestor of mankind died barely ten thousand years ago.

Jul 1, 2014

Sirrr --- we told you so (Iraq war)

(Letter to The Economist)

Sirrr:

We sit on the lavatory where we tend to read your "newspaper" ever since you supported George W. Bush's invasion of Iraq, and---we can't trust our eyes, it's not possible, yes, let's have a third look---and you are writing elliptically in your edition of June 14, on page 11 in the European edition:

"No doubt, his [Obama's] predecessor's decision to go to war---which we mistakenly backed at the time---was a disaster."

Right, one would say, wouldn't one.

As far as I recall, you continued to justify your backing of the war for years and years---the last attempt to do so appeared ca. two years ago on your opinion pages---so perhaps you might find the space to elaborate what finally made you change your mind. The Iraq war was destined to be, as for example Barack Obama, or President Jaques Chirac, or many others---including yours truly---did tell you then, in advance, just putting one and one together, the war was destined to be a mayor mistake with foreseeable consequences, destabilization of the Middle East, strengthening of Iran, senseless squandering of taxpayer's money, senseless squandering of human life, we told you, we told you, we told you so.  

You are co-responsible for this...

 

The world soccer (football) cup and us (and our dentist)

Its always thus: while Bernard-Henri Lévy (don't ask, or google "pictures of French Intellectuals"---they are all his), so while Lévy and Dominique Strauss-Kahn (the IMF chief who fell onto his penis over a few sexual minutes in his Hotel Suite) are "good friends" who "know each other well," us---we only know the concierge of Michel Foucault, the other French intellectual, the guy who died an early AIDS-death in 1985. And even that isn't true (we don't know the concierge, that is).


Along those lines. We never met Sepp Blatter, the much-discussed head of the FIFA, the organization that runs the world soccer cup. BUT---we know his brother, almost. Have a look at this picture.


We took the picture this morning on the way to the dentist. It's a car dealership, located at the entrance of Visp, the nearest town from us down in the Valais valley. The home town of the Blatter clan.The Blatter AG, you see it? On the sign, to the left. That Blatter's brother, and we almost know the guy because they also have a car-wash where we have our car cleaned irregularly. Cool, isn't it.


And the dentist. Lives in nearby Naters (picture (this morning)). Don't get jealous. We've added a bit magenta to the picture. The real colors are less picturesque.

«Amis pédophiles, à demain!» (reposted)

Nikolas Sarkozy, former French president, was arrested yesterday for money laundering.

Remember our post of Nov. 23, 2010 about the then-French-president Nikolas Sarkozy and billionairess Liliane Bettencourt? He're the post again:

The French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, to journalists, in response to questions about his role in the Karachi affair (one of countless French scandals involving money being redirected into the coffers of the governing party):

Nicolas Sarkosy
«Et vous, j’ai rien du tout contre vous. Il semblerait que vous soyez pédophile… Qui me l’a dit? J’en ai l’intime conviction (…) Pouvez-vous vous justifier?».

(Translation: And you? I've nothing against you. It looks like you are pedophile. How do I know? I'm thoroughly convinced. Could you please justify yourself.)

Then he waved goodbye to the journalists with the words:"«Amis pédophiles, à demain!»

Celebrity deficiency?

Not famous enough? Go public with your ménage (à trois):


Jun 28, 2014

Fucking Foucault (reblogged)

Here's another beautiful piece from the mysterious Mr. E., the force behind the 50 Shady Gays. Enjoy:

I’m sure that every queer cultural theorist has thought about it at some point haven’t they?

I was first fucked by Michel Foucault during the nineties when I was a raver/rock star and all round fuck up. It wasn’t until I was a mature student, when I was reading articles on discourse and power, that I thought to myself, I actually love this man.

Michel Foucault (1926-1984)
I have never been literally fucked by him of course, but I have in a literary way, which is often much more intimate and powerful – and I suppose in some way it’s all about the power isn’t it?

Anyway, being incredibly vain and sexually unfulfilled as a performer (exclusively top), I naturally thought that in some way my life mirrored his; indeed, as I flounced across stages, and tripped through a myriad of alien, urban sprawls (oh so bohemian and clever); I stupidly imagined myself to be his successor. Yes, I alone would weave the power of his madness into my own duvet of sexual discovery, because I was unique – it was like he was speaking to me, and me alone.

Jun 27, 2014

Gallery &-t

There is so much good stuff out there, we have to start a gallery. Plus, it'll make our life easier; we need no further excuse for posting pictures once in a while without further excuse ("Huh?"). So here are the first five pictures by Tony de Carlo, Bob Bienpensant, Joe Phillips, Jezza Smilez, and Michael Breyette:



"Adam Steve Eden," Tony de Carlo (2002)

Jun 25, 2014

The Fountain of Geneva (2) --- The Muttoni

John and Alex, our friends from the Green Eyes, are being told the back story of the Fountain of Geneva.  So far we've learned that Caesar visited the place once and was presented with a lust-slave he didn't like (historically true). Now Hadrian, the Roman emperor (117-138 AD) is visiting the place, almost 200 years later. Richard Zugabe, librarian of the city archives of Geneva, tells the story.

Part II --- The Muttoni

“The Aldermen of Geneva had good reasons to avoid their predecessors’ mistake when Hadrian came to town in 133 AD. There wasn’t only the precedent of Caesar’s snub, but also the arrival of the Muttoni (as the Romans would call them), an entire tribe of blond, blue-eyed, oh-my-God people. The Muttoni had settled in the Saas valley, a side valley of the nearby Valais, and were making a big nuisance of themselves. Not content to follow the sheep-raising, cow-milking example of their Celtic neighbors, the Muttoni spent their time on raids. They would maraud through the region and misappropriate everything not nailed down, including human beings---and in particular adolescent males.


“Slavery, though an institution throughout the empire, was not really entrenched in the region. The locals were unable to appreciate six-feet-three hunks knocking on doors, tossing unruly hair, baring wide chests, and pointing steely javelins at innocent kinfolk while dragging handsome youths into captivity.

___________________

Many locals were killed during the raids of course, courageous fathers, desperate mothers, trustful dogs, even the stray mother-in-law is mentioned. 
___________________

“Many locals were killed during the raids of course, courageous fathers, desperate mothers, trustful dogs, even the stray mother-in-law is mentioned---resistance was futile, the Muttoni would always prevail. If there was any kind of racial phenotype better not mentioned or presented to visiting big shots, it was the Nordic type of the blue-eyed, hair-tossing chest-barer, whether oh-my-God or not.

Jun 22, 2014

The hottest criminal ever

Yes, we know, this is a stupid header. Anyhow, Jeremy Meeks got himself arrested in 2002:



And again in 2008:

2008
And now what? We have Facebook now, so he decides to go viral, and have himself arrested one more time:


2014

His mug shot triggers 50,000 likes on Facebook in one day. And comments like these:

-'He didn't know any different. I could turn him into a "model" citizen. Where can I pay his bail?'
-'He needs to be a model. I would buy whatever he's selling!'
-'What is he guilty of?! First Degree Sexiness?!'
-'He'll probably be on next years prison calendar...Mr....EVERY MONTH!'
-'Marry me, Mr Meeks! Hopefully he changes his ways - but I'll take him any day...'
-'I would go to prison for aiding and aBEDding him'
-'I wanna be in his cell!'


Jeremy Meeks!


Jun 19, 2014

The fountain of Geneva (1) ---Caesar's snub

In This is heaven we alleged that the Fountain of Geneva was created by the Roman emperor Hadrian. Here is the back story for this amazing feat, fresh from our laptop.

And, of course, John and Alex from the Green Eyes are somehow involved.



Part I ---  Caesar's snub

We’re off to Europe on our honey moon, Alex wants me to show him my native country. We book a flight into Paris and end up in Geneva because France is on strike and Charles de Gaulle, the airport, is closed. Next thing, we find ourselves strolling through the Swiss city, a bit red-eyed from the flight, and alight on a park bench on the shore of Lake Geneva, snow-topped mountains left and right and in between the Alpine mega-pond.
_____________________

“Hundred thirty two gallons of water per second,” he says, “reaching 140 meters into the sky. The Fountain of Geneva. The planet’s most spectacular ejaculation. Since 1900 years.”
_____________________

We’re not the only people out, and some guy walks up the shore and then down the shore and finally asks whether the remaining mile of park bench is taken. He speaks French but switches to English as soon as Alex opens his mouth. He sits down, a middle-aged gentleman equipped with a Swiss-Swiss watch, watches his watch, studiously, and finally says, briefly lifting his gaze: “Two minutes.” We return his gaze, he says: “One minute.” Alex grabs my wrist, says: “Relax.” The guy keeps his eyes on his watch, then says: “Voilà.” And voila, the lake gulps, spits, and ejects a gushing column of jizz, a thick white jet rising high into the sky and beyond and back into the lake again. “Hundred thirty two gallons of water per second,” he says, “reaching 140 meters into the sky. The Fountain of Geneva. The planet’s most spectacular ejaculation. Since 1900 years.”

The fountain, with the Mont Blanc, the highest mountain of the Alps, in the background

There are worse ways to make a pass at people, I think to myself, especially if you’re into threesomes. Next thing, the guy says: “You know, there are better ways to make a pass at people. That’s what you are possibly thinking, hein?”
“Yes,” I say (let’s cut this short).
“You want to hear the story?”
“The story?”
“The story of this fountain.”
“It’s on the internet, I guess,” I say, but Alex grabs my wrist again.
“No-no,” the guy says, “it’s still classified, after all these years.”
“My name is Alex,” Alex says, “this is John.”
“Enchanté,” the guy says, “I’m Richard, Richard Zugabe. I’ve been the librarian of the city archives for many years. I am the only one with access to the relevant files. Which means something, here in Switzerland. You want to hear the story?”
“Yes,” Alex says.