"Not so difficult to play Sherlock Holmes when you are Dr. Watson" --- This is heaven --- Teaser (16)

(We're still not yet done with this "Heaven," two more chapters to write---two difficult ones, including the climactic scene---and then there's the happy ending, a drawn-out affair because we're completely over the top with five or six separate blissful closures all happening at the same time. As to the teasers, we're back to schedule briefly, so this post follows up on Teaser 14, which ended with a Censured Section---Taylor is one day shy of his 18th birthday as he and John enter the restroom facilities of the festival's Green Room. The censured part ends with the habitual flagrante, this time enacted by Professor Barbette Bienpensant. For more context, have a look at Teaser 14.)

There’s a knock on the door.

She has issues, but she’s not an fool, especially when it comes to two males with vacant expressions on their faces, oiled in sweat, one of them still buckling his belt, them apparently having spent quality time in 120 degrees Fahrenheit and the stench from an underserviced john. The Bienpensant looks us up and down. Bulge check. Are we drunken again?

(This is so subtle.)

Taylor is utterly embarrassed. This will heal him of all homoerotic tendencies. I’m even more embarrassed. But I have my moments. So I say to the professor: “You need to use the bathroom?”

She has to think about this. “You’re asking the wrong question,” she says.

Some real macho-man would now say something like “See you later, Professor,” or “See ya later, Barbette.” But us, we just hurtle away, heads half-dropped, we could be holding hands on the way to the gallows. 

Whatever happens down there, up here, in our heads---most women would possibly deny much is going on there---up here us males get back to normal immediately, it’s an important reason for starting a hand job, and for finishing it, and it’s an important reason for divorces as well. We can’t just trot back together to the stand, ten minutes late. “I need to see a man about a horse,” I utter somewhat incoherently and point into the direction of the trailers along the canal. “See you later.”

The Canadian wall

(Our friend Susan sends this note:)



News Update from Canada

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

Yesterday

Westerly view across the foret domanial de l'Esterel,
the park that surrounds our village, picture by Jason Yoon 

Supermoon rising

Today is the day of the supermoon---a full moon as close to planet Earth as possible---and so it appears larger (7%), and is brighter (15%). And this it it, the moon, seen from our house, rising over the Mediterranean, this evening: 

Now you see it, now you don't (updated)

(Scroll down for the update)

We have a page on Facebook, and we're offered a $10 voucher to "boost a post," meaning that you pay FB money so they show your post to more people---it's a transparent form of advertising, of course. Ten dollars for free, what the heck, so we boost Teaser #14 of This Is Heaven...but...wait...the boost is rejected. It wouldn't be a "pleasant experience" for FB users, especially the pecs of Robert Pattinson won't. Next we try Teaser #15 (the balloon dog shorts). That's rejected as well, on the same grounds. Well, let's see, what could be more unpleasant than an ungeheures Ungeziefer, a monstrous vermin à la Franz Kafka. We try, and succeed. The boost is accepted --- a pleasant experience indeed.

Along those lines...here we have the cover of Perry Brass' book Carnal Sacraments...

...adorned by the work of the German painter Sascha Schneider, a highly recognized Symbolist artist. Amazon---Amazon, this time, not FB---doesn't let Perry place advertisements for his book because of the 'nudity' on the cover.

Comparativer (Glenn)

Fragment, fragment. Here, fresh from the presses, Ch. 42 of This Is Heaven ("John is a great guy"). Note the emphasis:


Now the branching: (1) If this is their first time, there will be uninhibited petting and groping until they reach Alex’s single bed about which Ben will briefly comment (“exactly like mine”), and then they make love. (2) If this is their second time---more likely, alas---there wouldn’t be anything immediate, the kiss would be deeper, the lips would be wetter, but that would be it. They disengage and look at each other. It’s real this time, Ben lost in admiration of Alex’s beauty---beauty here in the widest sense of the word, full Plato---and so it’s about Alex's inner assets, his intelligence, wit, charisma, soul. Alex reciprocates---not quite as innocent as we’d like (Ben’s body, skin, lips, cheerful profile, resplendent teeth, hip-hop kinetics pass the alpha mind)---but soon we revert to the truer issues, Ben’s own charisma for example, or his effortless formality (not that we’ve seen much of it during this episode, but I assure you), or Ben’s bearing, accentuated and tender (somehow letting others know how important they are---his secret weapon during A-level assignments, I guess, and a key ingredient of the alchemy between the two). And the nostrils. OMG, I failed to mention Ben’s breathing nostrils.


Are you still there? Then you may like the GREEN EYES. The first part is out, available as Kindle book on Amazon, under this link:

"click"

Nothing makes sense, we know.

So, why should this picture (make sense)?

What we have to say about Donald Trump

Well, we're too stunned to say anything about Donald Trump at this point, so let's revert to Franz Kafka, the obvious choice under the circumstances. Here, the opening paragraph of Kafka's best-known novella, The Metamorphosis (scroll down): 

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked.


(And the rainbow colors? That's sheer coincidence, of course, but we do have a fragment---written last week---before the elections---written a few days ago, from Chapter 43 of our hopeless novel This is Heaven:) 


There’s a short story by Franz Kafka about Gregor, a traveling salesman waking up one fine morning mysteriously transformed into a “humongous bug,” “monstrous vermin,” or “giant insect” (depending on the translation from the German ungeheures Ungeziefer). This gets him into a lot of trouble, but the dude had at least the good fortune never to visit Georgia Beach, GA, and wake up there in the hospital’s emergency room under the merciless eyes of Dr. Alice Sandeman, a person who absolutely despises bugs, vermin, and insects, especially large ones.

Are you still there? Still clinging to your sense of extremely dark humor in these trumpled times? Then you may like the GREEN EYES. The first part is out, available as Kindle book on Amazon, under this link:

"click"

Back home

Find a caption

Dressed for the occasion

The rising tide lifts all boats (2)

What you could do to Donald Trump

The best Trump comb-over you'll ever see (updated)

(Update:) Und hier das Buch zur Frisur:

Hat tip: Michael Brown

We're In Schwangau, Bavaria

(All pictures by Chang)

Michael went to Bavaria to visit Neuschwanstein (pictured), the fairytale castle built by King Ludwig II of Ludwig fame (Visconti). Ludwig was crazy, but also gay, and a few other things.  

Michael has this idea about a Sherlock Holmes story involving  blackmail of said Ludwig. 

There will be a happy ending, as always.

Telepathy (Maud)

(And the GREEN EYES, anything they have to say about this? Sure, lots of stuff, we're like the Blues Brothers, we have Country and Western. Here, from Ch 11 of This Is Heaven, in which John has his first interview with Detective-Inspector LaStrada (very short):) 


Let me interrupt myself and talk about James Bond again. It doesn’t matter which movie, so let’s talk about the last one, Skyfall. Daniel Craig introduces himself to Dr. No or one of No’s co-workers, like Bérénice Marlohe, say, and says “The name is Bond, James Bond.” And while any other person on the planet would now go, like, ‘Great,’ or ‘Can you give me an autograph,’ Bérénice has apparently never heard of the super-hero of popular culture, grimaces distantly, and shakes the stranger’s hand. 



(We also have stuff about telepathy; we'll do that next time, we're in a hurry, departing for Bavaria)

Find a caption (Glenn)

Fragment, fragment...sure, here, from Chapter 30 ("The Knights of Malta") of This Is Heaven:


The debate has apparently started since Godehart is lying supine on the floor while the FOX-woman---one knee on his chest, one hand in mud-wrestling style locked between his legs---slaps his face and yells: “Liar, loser, liar, loser, liar, loser.” There’s a iambic rhythm to her thrusts that’s really catching on and the crowd is inspired---clapping, jeering, gesticulating, honing in: Liar, loser, liar, loser, liar, loser. Somebody has managed to program a decibel dial onto the LED scoreboard above the proscenium which is moving off the charts as we speak (the dial). Harrell up there in the control box must be getting help from somebody (Jack Horn, we’ll learn later). Godehart has apparently tried to be his old-school self and let the FOX-woman do her thing, but the situation is getting out of hand with blood potentially flowing and the FOX-woman about to turn her plastic fangs to good use on Godehart’s neck. “Hilfe, Hilfe, Hilfe,” yells the Wagner---choking and crying---and the scoreboard flips to asci code and translates, as if this were an opera house: “Help, help, help.” 

________________________

The foreign candidate asking for welfare---that really hits a chord with an audience steeped in self-reliance

________________________

The foreign candidate asking for welfare---that really hits a chord with an audience steeped in self-reliance, and we have to fear for the survival of the bleachers squeaking under the pulsing stampede of too many real Americans. The mayor, ever responsible, gets up and makes a token attempt to becalm the crowd. Eventually he succeeds, however, because Elsa---who has also been on the stage, idling in the wings for unclear reasons---Elsa is courageously taking Godehart’s side by rushing to the scene of rational discourse and pulling on the blond anchor hair and other parts of the FOX-woman’s body. And now female solidarity kicks in and Vivian Leigh, or whatever her name, has joined and---having failed to pull on Godehart’s feet---undertakes to restrain the FOX-woman in ways that defy any political correctness---if you’ve ever seen a classical production of a Wagner opera with all-blond Valkyries fighting mano-a-mano for Das Rheingold while intoning the high C and the audience going nuts---along those lines.


One little comment: Trump's position is often defended by tweets with spelling mistakes pointing out that nobody's respecting America and that Trump will make the world respect her again. One wonders how, and on which terms.

Vampire trivia --- This is heaven --- Teaser (14)

The vampire kids that we met earlier show up again. Main characters here are John (narrator), Alex (Main object of desire), Maurice (the third musketeer), and Taylor, a vampire kid & nerd & homophobic to boot. Maurice has been charged thinking up questions for today's criterion of the Festival, which is about vampire trivia. Let's see where this leads us.


The cell-phone rang.

It’s Maurice. He’s stuck. Writer’s block. He can’t think of anything decent, trivia-wise. Nothing with a snap-your-finger feel. “Does it matter?” I ask.

“Certainly,” he says, “that’s why we are in the business of writing, isn’t it, to feel inspired, and by feeling inspired becoming more inspired.”
“You sound like an expensive graduate course of something,” I say.

He falls silent.

“I’m sorry,” I say, “I apologize. I went too far.”
“Indeed,” he says.
“The trivia,” I say. “Think of it as a commission. Quick and dirty. Deadline approaching, copy editor leering over your shoulder.”
“Well, nobody is leering over my shoulder.”
“Ben still asleep?”
“Indeed.”
“Hold the line,” I say.

Robert Pattinson in Twilight

‘Hold the line,’ I said, because Juliette’s friends are upon us, the children of vampire trivia. “We missed you yesterday,” Alex has said to them in the meantime.

Michael in Mein schwules Auge 13

The first chapter of the Green Eyes---the chapter Michael didn't dare to include in his book, the account of a cruisin' encounter he feared would "discomfort or even harm" some readers---appears in the German yearbook Mein Schwules Auge 13, which is out today. It's beautifully illustrated with work by  Piotr Urbaniak, here's one example:

Charming, isn't it? 

Our contribution is in English, by the way, not German. Teaser? Okay:

A shadow enters my periphery of vision. Anybody who cares? Yes, a lank, blond, crew-cut guy. Perhaps he’s heard my screams and got interested. He’s shocked. No, he isn’t, he’s just curious. A tumescence builds in his trunks and develops its own life...

You can order the volume here.

"The Old New World" (Photo-based animation project) from seccovan on Vimeo.

Silence of the lambs (Glenn)