Jan 6, 2021

Georgia on our mind

We went on this walk to celebrate the win of the forces of renewable energy over all things reactionary (because that's what the Trump presidency was; it wasn't conservative, but it was reactionary):

These turrbines are only a stone throw away from the Praia do Norte, which holds the Guinness Book of Records for the highest surfable  waves on the planet. 

And while we are at it: have you listened to the Trump Tape of last Saturday, in which he asks the Georgian Secretary of State to "find him the votes" to overturn the elections in his favor? How often he uses the phrase "the people of Georgia"? Well, we are outdoing him in this little fragment from our novel Green Eyes, in which the semi-fictional Georgian District Attorney Hunnsbruck appears on local TV (Channel Two) to defend his record. We're in one of the later chapters:

Maurice fiddles with his iPad, holds it up. “We’re at the top of the hour, as they say here,” he says, “let’s see, let’s pop in.” 

The newsroom of Channel Two materializes on his screen. An anchorman and an anchorwoman appear in the beaming studio and greet each other expansively against the backdrop of the police department’s parking lot. Assorted vehicles are still parked there, and Charleze (the local reporter), is still on location. “The top story today is so breathtaking, it is positively, absolutely, and definitively shocking,” the anchorwoman (“Olivia”) enthuses, “Charleze has more.” 

Charleze expansively greets anchorwoman (“Olivia”), who expansively greets back. Next to Charleze a man is standing whom we know already thanks to our interest in family blogs. Hunnsbruck is dressed this time, dressed to kill, you’d say, or at least dressed to advocate innovative punishments for police department homicides, so he’s emphasizing local roots with a light seersucker suit of modest stripes and cut. The reporter turns to the seersucker suit and introduces him as the youngest DA in the history of the galaxy: “When we arrived on the scene this morning,” Charleze says to Hunnsbruck, “having been alerted by vigilant members of the Georgia Beach community to the unsettling traffic on the lot outside the local police department, right here where we are standing, rumors were swirling that an officer has been shockingly shot dead inside and that an assistant district attorney from your office is implicated. Does the size of the CSI vehicle” (pan on the white-cubicled truck) “points to the size of the crime committed inside?”


“Thank you for having me on”—Hunnsbruck. 

“You are always welcome”—Charleze. 

And now, in unison: “Thank you”—both.

A moment of recovery, Charleze catching her breath. “The word is, Sir, that Lieutenant Blake Jackson of the Georgia Beach police force was shot dead last night.”

“Although I’ve never had a chance to meet him in person, I am convinced that he is, or was, a truly wonderful person. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends at this difficult juncture.”

“We have to interrupt briefly for this message,” Charleze informs Hunnsbruck, who gracefully cedes the floor to a risqué soda commercial with a curly-blond girl, the wind-surfer back of a hot male (only the back), and a soda bottle. When finally allowed back, Charleze and Hunnsbruck have obviously had a chance to follow the ad on their return video—so Charleze suppresses a giggle when asking Hunnsbruck: “Sir, this is a shocking crime, is it not,” (her left hand gesturing, digits splayed, dramatic nail-paint-jobs exposed, the right hand doggedly clinging to the phallic mike) “is it not a shocking crime when a trusted member of the local police force is shot dead while in full discharge of his duties. How do you feel about this?”

“Charleze, let me tell the viewers, the people of Georgia feel terrible about this, and in particular the people of my District, and I, as the DA in charge, feel exactly as terrible about it as they do. This is a shocking crime of which the people of Georgia disapprove strongly. It is, uuhh, illegal. Life is sacrosanct from inception, especially when it comes to the police.”

“Can you assure our viewers that your office won’t let this particularly shocking crime go unpunished?”

“The people of Georgia know me and my office, and I can assure the people of Georgia that I will work tirelessly to aggressively pursue the perpetrators of this shocking crime and bring them to justice.”

“What will be the charges?”

“It’s early days, but the perpetrators will look at malice murder, felony murder, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, possession of a firearm during the commission of a crime, maybe on several counts, or more.”

“Will you seek the death penalty?”

“We seek the death penalty whenever it is appropriate.” 

“The people of Georgia will be grateful.”

“This is another step ahead in the never-ending battle against crime.”

We’re interrupted by the studio and another commercial.

“Did you listen to what he just said,” Alex says, “about the never-ending battle against crime. It’s like saying we’re battling infinity, and we will count to three, and four, and five, and go on and on until we run out of numbers.”

Not everybody gets it, Alex has to explain.

“You’re better off if you don’t have to explain your own jokes,” Maurice says.

“It wasn’t a joke, it was the very opposite,” Alex replies.

“May I cut in on that?” the newsroom comes back, “Mister Hunnsbruck, a member of your office has been connected to the shocking events unfolding at the police office. Could you comment on that?”

“The case is being investigated extensively, and I would like to thank Deputy Sheriffs Hartley Hansford, Harrison Thomas, and Jeremy Hicks from Glynn county, Lieutenant Thomas Raybon, Lieutenant Peter Hoyle, and Lieutenant Mario LaStrada from the GBI, and many unnamed others for their tireless efforts. I can assure the people of Georgia that no stone will be left unturned in this ongoing endeavor.” 

“The people of Georgia will thank you for that, Sir.”

“Thank you.” 

Are you still there? Then you will like the book. Give it a try: 

Green Eyes

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