Michael Ampersant: Acres of hardwood (10)

Green Eyes Zoo

John Lee, 29. Narrator. Assistant professor of French at Southern Georgia College, an institution he refers to as hippocampus. Bipolar. Addicted to Alex Iglesias. Accumulating baggage on the side, starting with Ben Fletcher. Founder and CEO of the Georgia Beach A-level escort service. Member of the jury of the Georgia Beach Festival 2014.

Alexander Iglesias, 29. Main object of desire. Paramedic and computer science dropout. Clinically depressed in his former life, committed suicide or a least tried---he's stubbornly maintaining he succeeded and is "in heaven." Suffers from amnesia, lost his episodic memory, including the memory of his sexual preferences. Professes love to John Lee though, because "wishes are fulfilled in heaven and John is the only angel who wants his love."(Part I, Ch. 54) Gradually morphing into a neo-neo Sherlock Holmes.

Maurice Dymond, 29. Tourist agent and budding amateur author of a script about the aftermath of the George W. Bush presidency ("Freedom Fries"). Arrived in Georgia Beach on an exchange program with Torquay, his home town in England. Still bedridden as a consequence of a vicious assault by psychopathic cop Dick Benson; staying with John at the moment.

Godehart Wagner, 45. Fifth-generation member of the Richard Wagner clan, widower of Eleanor Wagner-Beasley, a spouse of convenience. Makes and sells Wagner-memorabilia, including the famous Bavarian leather shorts embroidered with a crotch-centered likeness of the composer. Oversexed. Tricked by Mayor H. Hamblin into underwriting the Dracula Award of the Georgia Beach Festival. Entered the contest to win his money back.

Alice Sandeman, MD ("Dr. Dyke"), 45. Head of the much-needed ER of the local hospital, confidante of Alex. Former lover of Eleanor Wagner-Beasley.

John ("Ben") Fletcher, 20, son of Dr. and Mrs. Martin Luther Fletcher. Studies engineering at Georgia Tech. Briefly in the employ of Luke's convenience store, now freelancing for John's A-level escort service.

Barbette Bienpensant, professor of quantitative metaphysics, 38. Renowned forecaster of doom. Half-sister of Juliette W. Smoker. Nymphomaniac. Member of the festival jury.

Juliette Wilde, 16, attendant of Exeter Academy. Dreams a lot when not reading the English canon or playing with her i-thing (or playing the vamp). Orphaned two years ago. Half-sister of Barbette B. Falls in love with Romeo.

Romeo (pseudonym), 16. Background unclear, living a trailer existence with sugar daddy Richard Roper. Possesses eidetic memory. Falls in love with Juliette Wilde.

Elsa Dass, 45, author of flame-hot romance and spouse of Håågen D. Joins Jane Trumpleton for an A-level encounter with Ben Fletcher.

Jane Trumpleton, 40, socialite/desperate housewife. Intimate friend of Muffy Doolittle, another desperate housewife. Met John Lee in a chance encounter and co-inspired his A-level service. Joins Elsa D. for an A-level encounter with Ben Fletcher. Also well-acquainted with Nick, the owner of Nick's restaurant.

Nick. Owner of Nick's restaurant, the largest eatery in the world. Acquaintance of John Lee, and, in a different sense, of Jane Trumpleton, Muffy Doolittle, and many other fine ladies. Very straight.

Jack Horn, 47, photographer. Developed expertise next to the pool of the Beverly Hills Hotel and also invented a nuclear time machine. Helps out with video installations. Mildly homophobic.

Taylor Stanford Hart, 18 (?), high school student, friend of Juliette. He discovers the delights of sexual intercourse at John Lee's ever-trolling hands, and contributes to the story's Happy Ending in important ways.

Washed-up Scriptwriter. Deus ex machina. Indispensible when the author painted (or wrote) himself into a corner.

Pages

Dec 23, 2020

Acres of hardwood (10)

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