Part III --- Erotic talent
“When I said that Hadrian kept his plan secret, I meant he kept his intentions secret; the facts were plainly recorded. He put an empire-wide call out for, let me concentrate, let’s get this verbatim, for the primum proelium ego ingenium venereae.”
“Huh?”
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| Publius Aelius Hadrianus Augustus (Hadrian), Palazzo dei Conservatori, Capitoline Museums. |
“I-have-erotic-talent, roughly. You’ll see soon. The call was a big success, the emperor calls upon the youth of the nation, what do you expect, most Roman careers involved the casting couch. So he held his own talent show---even women were admitted in the audience---first to filter for physical features, then to identify sexual prowess, then to select the sensual few. Hadrian had a sensual soul, and he yearned for reciprocity.
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These boys were not for one night, mind you; to complete the program they had to get laid for several months.
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These boys were not for one night, mind you; to complete the program they had to get laid for several months. His final selection comprised exactly fifty specimen of the finest proto-erotici ever gathered in one place.”
“Wow,” I say.
“No, let me correct. There were 47 youths from the contest and three of the captured Muttoni. The Muttoni had been added to the group. I’ll explain later.”
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| Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres "Hadrian's students at the water cooler" (1801) |
“These were just the preliminaries. The selection completed, Hadrian took off for a week, consulted with friends and advisors, and penned a training program. The original document survived, it constitutes the archival core of my research about the fountain. The program consisted of five sections. Section One is about seduction.
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Joaquin Abella Ojeda "Hadrian pupil dressed for seduction," (2014) |
It was as plain to Hadrian as it is to modern consumers that the sheer physicality of sex is only part of the story. Anticipation is key.
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So, each day, the sexual youths were to spend 20 percent of their time seducing each other
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So, each day, the sexual youths were to spend 20 percent of their time seducing each other—gestures, poses, words, murmurs, smiles, embraces—innocent, daring, obscene—learning and refining the language of erotic anticipation. Section Two, foreplay. I don’t elaborate, it’s obvious, magazines like Cosmopolitan talk about nothing else. No, wait. Let me mention the magic of touch. The chemistry of papillary contract. Hands as sexual organs. Skin as a sexual organ.”
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| Municipal archives, City of Geneva, Antinousians practicing foreplay (ca. 130 AD) |
He interrupts himself. “John,” he says, “When Alex touched your wrist, I knew.”
“He didn’t touch you.”
“I knew. Your reaction. I knew.”
Alex touches my wrist. We exchange glances.
“Third,” Richard continues, “the act, the Kamasutra part, positions, tricks---I hope I need not elaborate about the gag reflex---sperm-handling, the plethora of rimming techniques, anal gymnastics, very important, I hope you agree. Kissing, don’t forget kissing, French, Italian, honey-mustard…”
“Honey-mustard?”
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| Municipal archives, City of Geneva, Practicing Antinousians (ca. 130 AD) |
“Just kidding. Fourth, obviously, endurance. Everybody can play rabbit, the five minute show is for the illegally-aged and for senior citizens, professionals know how to fuck for hours on end. That’s the thing. Everybody loves a good fuck. And everybody would love to get in one more (fuck). But few know how to enjoy the fourth or fifth fuck in a row, how to regenerate, take a break and regroup. Regroup, that’s why group jerks are so refreshing, never underestimate the regenerative power of a group jerk. Dildoes, also important. How to relax on a dildo, how to take 15 inches of pure ebony wood to get your precious nerve endings under control. Or how to squeeze, really squeeze, for the last drop of cum. Lots of people don’t really know how to cum, how to channel yet another contraction, and yet another contraction. When you come”---he looks at us---“when you come, how many contraction do you get?”
“Ten to fifteen,” I reply.
“See, that’s it. You boys need to know, Hadrian routinely reached for thirty contractions, and his most talented pupil, a certain Mutinius Maximus, climaxed at forty-four. Very stimulating, forty-four contractions, especially when shared in real time. And the fifth section, you’d expect after-play now, I guess, whatever that means. No, the fifth section was about the chemical part, how to integrate sexual experience and aphrodisiacs, and in particular the potent, or mysteriously potent”—a look at Alex—“Megalopeos. How to use the stuff, develop a tolerance for it, how to push the envelope to new lustful heights.
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| Antinous (Madragone statue) |
“The preliminaries completed, Hadrian assembled his hunky talent in a sacred ceremony and swore them into allegiance to Antinous, his late lover, who had been deified in the meantime and equipped with his own mystic cult. They were henceforth to be called Guard of Antinous (or Antinousians, for short) and outfitted with insignia specially designed for the occasion. Their crest, for example, would show Antinous and Apollo in an explicit embrace with Dionysus looking on (there was also an implicit version they could write home about). Three month of intense application lay ahead.
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Their crest, for example, would show Antinous and Apollo in an explicit embrace with Dionysus looking on (there was also an implicit version they could write home about).
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“There are a few pages in the archives that take the reader through an entire day of exercise, with Hadrian himself in the thick of it. Hadrian would have his 50 men lined up, no, not naked, of course, think seduction. And then he would, Alexander-style —you understand what I mean, Alexander-style…”
“No.”
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| Alexander, inspecting |
“Alexander the Great, during his campaigns, had his men lined up each evening, the entire army standing to attention, rows and columns of flexing, bulging muscle-meat, shiny skin reflecting the late sunrays, dangling swords, Alexander walking up and down the phalanxes, weighing options, until letting his hand rest on a shoulder, the shoulder of one of his fine men. Yup. The guy would know what it meant, of course, he was to report to the Commander’s personal grooming équipe, masseur, barber, manicurist, et cetera. They would prepare him for the night, oil him up, rub him down (there was no soap in those days), groom his pubes and other parts, anoint him in fragrances, lube him up, clothe him in the lightest Egyptian cotton of a night gown that would leave nothing to the imagination, no, wait, he would get a blow job first—well, yes, it sounds funny, but Alexander liked his partners tardy, and a spent ejaculation would help a young man to keep his cum back until the General gave the green light.
Greek mural, Limnaia, ca. 330 BC
The blow job was a highly coveted task among the wellness people—the army’s talent pool was deep, Alexander’s choice always exemplary. Fortunately, public sex was less frowned upon in those days. I’m not making this up, read Dover’s book, it was like French kissing in the park. Whoever was not directly engaged could watch—I like watching, don’t you, the fellatio part is always the best part—the turgid, rigidly-veined cock throbbing and undulating, the swollen cockhead teasing expectant lips, the preparatory slurps, the licks, the precious moment when the mouth locks onto the crown, the rotating bulge in the receptive cheek, the pelvis jerks, the deep-throating, the gags—I think I digress again. I’m not making this up. Alexander. Where was I?”
“Hadrian, Hadrian’s school.” ... Continues here.
Go here for the previous part of the story.
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