Dec 26, 2013

Jesus Christ! (Plus Roman abortion clinics and the conversion of homosexuals)

No, she won't go away, Sarah Palin. And she can't because the left wages War on Christmas. And not only Christmas, but all the other Christian holidays they can lay their hands on as well.

Sarah Palin

So Sarah goes on FOX to promote her book against the "War on Christmas" and says:

"It makes me so gosh darn angry. The liberal left in this country has targeted Christian holidays and is trying to secularize them right out of existence.
"When Jesus celebrated Easter with his disciples there were no Easter bunnies or egg hunts. There were no Easter sales at department stores or parades in the street. Easter was a special time of prayer and Christian activism.
"Jesus would gather all the townspeople around and would listen to their stories about the meaning of Easter in their lives. Then he would teach them how to love one another, how to protest Roman abortion clinics and how to properly convert homosexuals.
"You can't even do things like that these days without getting called out by some wacko left-wing human rights group. Christians had more freedom under Roman rule than we do now in our own country! We need to return Easter back to the way it was when Jesus was alive."
She says this in an interview on FOX news. Now, Easter was celebrated first in the second century AD to commemorate Christ's resurrection. One always wonders whether Palin and her ilk actually do read the Bible --- according to the biblical record, Jesus had disappeared from the cave where he had been laid to rest, and later reappeared as wraith to his disciples and before his ascension to heaven. He did not celebrate anything on that Sunday following the fatal Friday night of his crucification --- but never mind.

So, there we are, Palin just had another shot at the liberal lefties, you're the interviewer (Brian Kilmeade), what do you say? You say the following:
"Sarah, you know that we love you. I can understand if you think Christian holidays have become too secular and you want to return to the days of the early church. But you have to know that Jesus never celebrated Easter right? I mean you have to know that. What do you think Easter celebrates?"
Over to you, Sarah. So you say:

"Well, Brian, Easter celebrates, you know, sticking it to all the liberal lefties out there who want to be taking our guns and our freedom," Palin responded. "It celebrates the rights of the unborn and the right to religious freedom, to not have government come in and tell you who to believe in and who not to ..."
And this is how this ended. Brian Kilmeade interrupted: 
"It celebrates the death and resurrection of Jesus. It celebrates his death and resurrection from the dead. Now Sarah, tell me how can Jesus celebrate his own death before he died?" 
Palin stared blankly into the screen for about 15 seconds, before co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck cut to commercial. 

(Just for completeness: Jesus never mentioned homosexuality, let alone the "conversion of homosexuals." There are seven references to homosexuality in the Bible, while there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of references to economic justice and the laws governing the accumulation and distribution of wealth. Abortion was not illegal under Roman law (at least not during Jesus's lifetime); there were no abortion clinics, though.)

And the mandatory fragment from the Green Eyes? What do you think? We wont fail you. Sarah opens the last chapter for us, (Ch 54, "I'm ticklish"), the grand finale, which starts thus:

Wasn’t it Sarah Palin who once said that history repeats itself as a farce? Or as romantic comedy? There’s always a moment when you know you are awake, but there is no such thing when it comes to sleep, or doorbells. Did the doorbell ring or not?

There’s a reverberation of the mattress, like somebody's sitting down (Ray must have answered the bell). Or lying down, or getting under the blanket, or somehow sidling up to me.

That’s all I remember until I wake up with serious morning wood. I am still alive. And I had a wet dream. Apparently.

What is it when you wake up to the sound of a campy voice from the kitchen that informs another voice, a politely listening voice, (“uhuh, uhuh”), about the mental voyage of a certain Doubya Bush, and how he got kidnapped, and escaped, and got divorced, and fell in love with the voluptuous dean of Berkeley Law School (female?) who’s going to be appointed to the Supreme Court by Barack Hussein? Anyhow, the smell of the fresh coffee is wafting into my room. The people in the kitchen should be cool about morning wood, but I’m shy, so I make noises, suggestively, hoping somebody will take note, the door’s agape, they might hear me. And yes, it worked; a shadow darkens the bedroom door and a cup appears on the bed-side table. This is the first time in my life (I’m exaggerating). This is the first time in quite some time I’m on the receiving end of breakfast in bed.

I drink the coffee and wait for the boner to subside. I have never been fully at ease with my dick (save during sex), but the thing behaves, subsides, and I can take a leak. I enter the kitchen and Alex stretches like a cat. "More coffee?" he asks, gets up, and pours another cup for me. Maurice doesn’t want another cup. He's still feeling weak, he says. "Shall we resume our conversation later," he asks a bit too considerately and drags himself back into the spare bedroom. Ray’s lying on the couch, half-asleep, until he realizes that my bed is no longer occupied. He disappears in the direction of my chamber. I take the chair next to Alex. We're both watching the water tower. We could be brothers...

Want to see more of the Green Eyes? Here, for example.

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