Nov 7, 2013

Read my lips

And the mandatory fragment from the Green Eyes? From Chapter 20 of course, My father and your father were fathers:  

We're talking about John's father:

You wonder whether he ever raped me? No, he didn't. My mother just caught him on the wrong side of my body, when the thing stopped. Let me explain, I'm politically incorrect here in a terrible way, I know.

I didn't really care. He sucked my dick, it didn't hurt. He never asked me to suck his. I wasn't hurt, or devastated, or desecrated, at least subjectively I wasn't. But I think my bipolarity has something to do with it, I learned to compartmentalize, if that's the word, or at least my brain did, the autonomous part, my father in one compartment, other things in others compartments, and myself somewhere else. These compartments are still there, I always have to think outside of some boxes, go back and forth from box to box, these boxes will possibly stay with me for the rest of my life. This back and forth all the time, it must have something to do with my mood swings, I don't know.

I never talked about it. He never talked about it. My mother never talked about it. But when I came out, my mother divorced. I never asked her why (if you wanted to know more about our family, now you do), but I'm sure she thought it was his fault, that he "initiated" me somehow, like some people get initiated to poor argumentation techniques by a third rate teacher who raises two fingers to signal a quote when she can't find the right word (that's obviously not what she thought, bear with me). Yet sometimes, when I cannot sleep, when all fences are down, I agree with my mother and think that my life would be so much easier in the arms of a naked girl who's just won a trophy for fucking me to death.


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