“The Price of Vengeance” --- that's the boldface headline of the Mail today and we don’t recognize the faces. “Vicky Price is shell-shocked,” though, and “Chris Huhne may receive a lighter sentence for pleading guilty.” Expressions like "Hell hath no fury," and the Greek saying "a woman and the sea are the same in danger," dance before your lying eyes (Vicky is Greek).
All this has little to do with Korea, except that’s eternal and universal and we have to write it down so we can use it in the next part of the Green Eyes. The entire first 11 pages of the tabloid are about Vicky & Chris & collateral damage & even the boobs on Page 3 have to defer to pictures of a Greek wedding “where Huhne gave his stepdaughter away [although] the MP had already begun a fateful affair with his bisexual aide.”
“Bisexual political,” is the first qualification of this "aide," and we're kept guessing until the fourth reference to said aide before it transpires that her name is beyond ambiguity: it's bisexual Carina, Carina Trimingham.
Would he write now, Thomas Mann would get awards for coining subliminal names for his characters, but he's dead already, so the nod goes to the Daily Mail for Trimingham, who's officially lesbian for being in a civil union with another female, Huhne himself ("Huhn," in German, means "chicken"), Vicky (who's not going to chicken out), Lord Oakeshott (who's some bigshot with the LibDems, the junior partner of Britain's coalition government), Isabel Oakeshott, his third (3rd) cousin and Sunday Times' political editor, Vincent Cable (a LibDem cabinet minister), David Cameron (PrimeMinister), Christopher Murray Paul-Huhne (Huhne's double-barreled real name, ditched in pursuit of an egalitarian political career) and James Wintour (a friend who dances at the Greek wedding and a brother of Ann Wintour, the editor of Vogue & model for the film-à-clef "The Devil Wears Prada").
Lord Oakeshott, among other oak-shots of the LibDems, will be the initial recipient of the shocking news Vicky is planting among the London ton in order to damage her unfaithful husband of 26 years, Chris, namely:
SHE TOOK HIS SPEEDING POINTS.
Chris had been blitzed speeding in 2003, and so, apparently for no other reason than to keep his driver's license, had kindly ask his wife to "take" the points, ie. to tell the police that it had been her at the radarized wheel and not him.
Skip-forward, Chris has just been created Cabinet Minister of the Environment after a grueling election campaign that saw the voters exposed to pamphlets of him & wife & baby & the hand-written assertion "Family matters to me so much ... where would we be without them?" & the Soccer/Football Worldcup is on & it's the half-time break & Chris and Vicky are watching & he tells her that he is in a "serious relationship" with Trimingham & then he goes "to their shared basement" (shared?) & writes a "hasty press release" (hasty?) & minutes later "he left the home, and wife of 26 years, and went to the gym."
A woman and the sea are the same in anger. So Vicky contacts the 3rd cousin of Lord Oakeshott, Isabel. Emails fly back and forth. "I carefully planted information during lunches and dinners with top [LibDem] party figures," Vicky writes according to the Daily Mail. She also writes that "she becomes frustrated with the slow progress of plans to discredit him [Huhne]." There's a sideline that activates my gaydar, a sideline brutally suppressed by the prosecutor who has censored the email records, so we won't know for which other doings Vicky, we are told, would want to OUT her husband, but the Daily Mail helpfully reminds its readers that the concept of "outing people" "is a well-used phrase for revealing a man's homosexuality against his wishes."
And while we are reading this (spoiler alert, slight change of focus:) the word recollection comes to our mind --- as in "independent recollection" --- because we expect the "top party figures" to deny any "recollection" of point-taking information planted among them by the scheming Greek wife, and, yes, Bingo, the party spokesman declares:" 'Vince, Matthew and Miriam [party leaders] are all clear that the allegation about driving points was not raised with them'," and: "'Vince and Rachel have no recollection of the issue of points being raised with them'." Isn't it beautiful, the modern language of denial (all-clear, raised, issue, recollection, Vince, Rachel)?
Anyhow, the third Oakeshott cousin alerts Vicky to the risks of outing Chris point-wise in that both members of the couple would face "criminal proceedings" if the Greek wife goes official. More emails. Yes, Vicky knows, but "hell hath no fury," (the Mail says it three times, so do we) and she's now setting a trap: Vicky calls Chris four times while the voice recording is "secretly" on (Chris is living with Trimingham now, and it must be something other than physical attraction) ...
 |
| The new couple: Carina Trimingham, Chris Huhne |
...so Vicky asks on the phone: "Why would I tell anyone about me taking your points," to which Christ doesn't reply "I don't know what you are talking about," (saving his political career), but something in the affirmative (effectively ending his political career). In the meantime, the LibDem leadership will vigorously support its Cabinet Minister against "unfounded rumors" ... until they vigorously stop supporting their cabinet minister against said rumors and are all-clear.
A trial against Huhne ensues, Vicky testifies, Huhne has already resigned. A second trial ensnares Vicky as the point-taking defendant. Her defense: "marital coercion" --- but nobody believes a woman whose mother already did beat "men at poker," and who, all by herself (Vicky), ascended to Whitehall mandarin-ship, "received" three professorships (I think the Daily Mail got that wrong), became Senior Managing Director at Senior City Firms, and was created Companion of the Order of Bath, a Royal Honour.
The criminal proceedings climax, and the judge speaks sternly: "Miss Price,you were present when I indicated to Mr. Huhne the inevitable consequences of a conviction. You must be under no illusions that my granting you bail indicates any watering down of that previous approach." In sum: prison.
One more thing: You know our views: no word is safe in English. So lets reiterate a few innocent nouns that the tabloid could not keep its adjective-stained fingers off: aide (bisexual), pair (disgraced), mother (multi-millionaire), lie (fat), family (trusting), stepfather (dutiful), mistress (bisexual), wife (scorned), life (double), Huhne (shameless), father (proud), suburb (posh), cliff-top chapel (pretty), Huhne (ambitious), family (nuclear [sic]), father (biological), basement (shared), press release (hasty) ... we should stop now.
Tjüüs (German saying).
One more thing: And, of course, the Green Eyes have already been there, like the tortoise in Aesop's fable. James Wintour, Ann Wintour, the Devil Wears Prada, here we come (Chapter 21 & 22, Godehart is a German and a fifth generation member of the Richard Wagner family):
We leave the shop together. Outside, the heat greets us like another vampire, this one without any sense of humor. Godehart points to a high-shine Mercedes SUV parked near the entrance, same type as mine, ML, but the newest model, painted in metallic not-quite-apple-green, the vehicle looks as if it won the lottery. We mount the ascent to the fine leather seats. There is no need to start the ignition, the thing is telepathic, it just rolls off the parking lot.
[...]
“You weren’t driving,” I say, “you didn’t have your hands on the wheel.” Godehart raises his index finger in an amerto gesture and purses his lips.
“Have you heard from the autonomous Google vehicle design?”
“Yes.”
“This is it. This is the first model that is licensed in Georgia under a secret say-so of the government. The director of Daimler is a spirited devotee of my great-father. And the governor of Georgia is also a spirited devotee of my great-father. From one the other follows. Do not tell anybody, though, it has to stay secret for a while, lest misunderstandings arise under the hoi polloi.”
“The color is a bit out of the ordinary for a secret.”
“Merryl Streep invented this color in her entertainment film, ‘The Devil Wears Prada.’ She called it cerulean green. She is also a great fan of my great-father. It is always best to hide secrets in the public view.”
“She looks like she’s won the lottery, you Google truck.”
“Truck,” he says, “you call her a truck? She is a Mercedes 500 ML Brabus Google beta edition.”
“That’s a mouthful.”
He grins his typical grin. “She listens pervertedly to the name Isolde when nobody is around. She is, how do you say, she is a scouts secret.”
Tjüüs (German saying).
No comments:
Post a Comment