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Sep 27, 2010

The Obama identity

Vanity Fair has a preview of a new satirical novel with political content by Edward Klein and John LeBoutillier involving, among other things, Obama's birth certificate.




And while we are at it, here's an excerpt from one of the hopeless scripts of the washed-up scriptwriter who disappeared in the Bay of Cannes together with the Giant Wave:



INT. FISHER LABORATORIES - LAB ROOM - DAY

Lab environment, gear, computers, desks, etc.
ALBERRT behind his desk, in front of a computer screen.

A toy helicopter crosses the room, remotely controlled by SKINHEAD JOE. The copter buzzes around Alberrt’s head, then lands on his desk. Alberrt ignores it.

SKINHEAD JOE
Alberrt, you busy?

ALBERRT
I’m into the computer of the State of Hawaii Department of Health. With System’s Administrator privileges.

CUT TO:
Skinheads POV.

On Alberrt’s screen we perceive Obama’s birth certificate; a popup window asks “Delete Permanently” with alternatives YES, NO, CANCEL, the cursor hovering over the YES.

ALBERRT (CONT’D) (speaking in cadences, when possible)
In 2001, the State of Hawaii Health Department went paperless. Paper documents were discarded. The official record of Obama’s birth is now an offical electronic record, as Janice Okubo, spokeswoman for the Health Department, informs us via the Honolulu Star Bulletin, the leading newspaper of the archipelago. I am holding this document---the only official proof of Obama’s American citizenship---in my hands … under my mouse, actually, the able mouse of a fringe hacker imposing as system’s administrator, and if its cursor clicks YES, the document is gone, and Obama has lost his citizenship.

SKINHEAD JOE
He can’t stay president without it. Go for it man. Just do it, do it, do it (to the gestures of a winning tennis champion)

Alberrt does not react. An angel walks through the room; the moment passes.

SKINHEAD JOE (CONT’D)
What holds you back?

Alberrt clicks NO.

ALBERRT
I think I need a raise. And there is too much corroborative evidence. A copy of the birth certificate resides in the vault of Obama’s Chicago office.

Alberrt’s screen changes to the image of an Obama official displaying the certificate.

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
The copy has no legal value independent of the health records, but provides a straw to which Obama could cling. Next …

Alberrts’s screen image changes to a clip from the Honolulu Advertizer.

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
..the birth was announced on Sunday, August 13, 1961, in the Honolulu Advertizer.
CUT TO:
Skinheads face, Skinhead clearly clueless

ALBERRT (O.S.)(CONT’D)
Sunday, August 13, 1961, was, as you may recall, the birthday of the Berlin Wall---and we don’t believe in coincidence, or do we…

Now the Skinhead understands.
CUT TO:
Alberrt

Alberrts’s screen image changes to a clip from the Honolulu Birth Star Bulletin.

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
And finally there is the entry in the Honolulu Birth Start Bulletin. Through…(points to his head)…through my brain, I have acquired system administrator privileges to all these sites, but there are backups, there is physical stuff, tapes, disks, in vaults, which I cannot access myself. And the Honolulu advertizer still keeps a physical record. Now, this …

Alberrts’s screen image changes to a mugshot of some guy.

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
… is the system administrator of the Honolulu Advertizer. He got recently divorced, and has several violations for drunk-and-driving.

Alberrts’s screen image changes to a mugshot of KHALID SHAIKH MOHAMMED

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
And this (beat) is the system administrator of the Hawaii Health Department. He never got married, for obvious reasons, but is behind on his mortgage payments, apparently spending too much time in the Waikiki Bananas…

Alberrts’s screen image changes to a picture of the WAIKIKI BANANAS

ALBERRT (CONT’D)
… an infamous beach venue for exotic surfers…

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