May 11, 2010

Washed-up scriptwriter (reposted)

While we were strolling on the Croisette in Cannes the other day, a man approached us right in front of Hotel Martinez, a huge stack of manuscripts in his hands.

"Allow me to introduce myself", he said. "I am a washed-up scriptwriter, and I have been following your blog for quite some time. I am writing political satires framed as action comedies---think Lethal Weapon meets Dr. Strangelove---but I cannot find an agent, let alone a studio that would produce my work. I am at the end of the rope, I cannot carry on. I need your help."  

The washed-up scripwriter, after he handed his stack to us

Then he handed me his stack of manuscripts and continued:
"Here is my work; do what you need to do to get it into the Krug-lights."
"Get it into the Kruglights"---I was weighing his words---"perhaps you would have more success if you were to use better metaphors."
"It's too late now." he replied. "Promise you'll do what's necessary."  With those words he turned around (pictured), ran up to the jetty of the Martinez hotel (pictured), and jumped into the water (not pictured).

"Cool", I thought. Well, there we are. I sort of promised, and a blogger has to do what a blogger has to do. Here is an excerpt from his first script, titled "Promises and Consequences". Judge yourself (I refrained from any editorial input; agents, directors, whoever is out there, take note):


MR. GIBBS:Chip.
Q Following up on Dan's question, during the campaign the President on numerous occasions said words to the effect of -- quoting one -- "all of this will be done on C-SPAN in front of the public." Do you agree that the President is breaking an explicit campaign promise?
MR. GIBBS: Chip, we covered this yesterday and I would refer you to yesterday's transcript.
Q But today is today and --
MR. GIBBS: And the answer that I would give today is similar to the one -
Q But there was an intervening meeting in which it's been reported that the President pressed the leaders in Congress to take the fast-track approach, to skip the conference committee. Did he do that?
MR. GIBBS: The President wants to get a bill to his desk as quickly as possible.
Q In spite of the fact that he promised to do this on C-SPAN?
MR. GIBBS: I would refer you to what we talked about in this room yesterday.
Q But the President in this meeting yesterday --
MR. GIBBS: And I addressed that --
Q -- pressed for something that's in direct violation of a promise he made during the campaign.
MR. GIBBS: And I addressed that yesterday.
Mike.
Q Well, does the President think it would be more helpful if this process were more transparent, that the American people could see --
MR. GIBBS: Mike, how many stories do you think NBC has done on this?
Q Speaking for myself --
MR. GIBBS: Just a guess.
Q That's not the issue. The issue is whether he broke an explicit campaign promise.
MR. GIBBS: So the answer is --
Q I deal with the information that --
MR. GIBBS: So the answer is hundreds, is that correct?
Q Right, but that's got nothing to do with it. I deal with the information, however much or little of it, there is. I'm saying would people benefit by having more information?
MR. GIBBS: Have you lacked information in those hundred stories? Do you think you've reported stuff that was inaccurate based on the lack of information?
Q Democrats ran against the very sort of process that is being employed in this health care --
MR. GIBBS: We had this discussion yesterday. I answered this yesterday. Is there anything --
Q But the President met with members of Congress in the meantime --
MR. GIBBS: And he'll do so today.
Q -- and pressed them to --
MR. GIBBS: Do you have another question?
Q -- short-circuit the process.


Not exactly Lethal Weapon meets Dr. Strangelove, or am I wrong?

(To be continued (or not)).

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