Mar 24, 2017

This is heaven --- Twilight --- Teaser (23)

This Is Heaven centers upon the vampire contest of Georgia Beaches' Summer Festival 2014, and so we need to pronounce a bit about the Twilight Saga, Stephenie Meyer's authoritative treatment of the subject.

And, yes? Okay, here are a few fragments (hold on; our main spokesperson Twilight-wise is Tex, (Taylor's pal (Taylor: John's principle baggage on the side in this episode))): 


(Chapter 24:) I think about something dismissive to say, then get distracted by the sight of Taylor. Taylor is with his pal (“Tex”), who’s talking incessantly. They end up at our stand, Taylor buys a lighter from Luke, but his pal won’t let up. “I understand Count Dracula and his folks,” Tex is saying, “they were mean-spirited and banking blood wasn’t on the agenda then, surely they had to feed on humans, but the Cullens of Twilight, Doctor Carlisle is a medical doctor, and they’re so preppy and above the fray and in favor of gun control, I’m sure, I’m sure they’re fucking liberals, all of them, why don’t they just purchase blood from a blood bank? Why this hunting of deer in the rainy forest of the Puget sound?”

“You don’t get it.”

“And you should look at the deer, these cute Bambies grazing on succulent ferns growing for the occasion between the redwood trees. And then there’s a sense of impending danger because the director of photography won’t hold still, Bambi’s eyes dart at us, a cry for help that goes unanswered because we’re strapped to the comfort chairs of this multiplex, popcorn at hand. And now she’s off, Bambi, running for her life, Bambi, and Dr. Carlisle is chasing her, although you can’t really see him chasing her, what you see is a vortex of black substance chasing Bambi, but it is Carlisle, to be sure, it’s him or Emmet or Rosalie or Esme or somebody else of his clan.”

“You don’t get it.”



(Chapter 31:) It wasn’t what it was before, though. The climax of the day had been consumed and the lame exchanges that followed on issues such as the Twilight Saga (remember Tex, Taylor’s friend)—-Tex had materialized next to us, leaning over the pen rails and asking me to ask his morning question about the Cullens (“Why chase Bambi, rather than buy blood?”), and when it transpired that nobody up there had the slightest idea—-Tex then shifted the subject to the urgent matter as to why Robert Pattinson and his siblings were taking the pains to attend high school for the umpteenth time—-exposing themselves to unnecessary scrutiny by the goy and temptations blood-wise—-rather than, say, auditioning for a role in the next Messiah musical on Broadway, thus ensuring that the production could and would run forever—-I somehow need to terminate this sentence…

(…sorry).

Meanwhile, Taylor and I were exchanging post-coital half-hearted cordial hand waves from pen to bleacher, and Alex walked up to me, his xth tallboy in hand, also waving at Taylor and then suggesting that “we” (we?) would do the already mentioned Magic-Mike-interlude upstage, upon which Bienpensant almost fainted and had to be rescued by a giant soda bottle. Tex followed up with a reflection about the weather in Forks, WA, where the Cullens elected to live in view of their revealing, sun-light-sensitive skin, pointing out (Tex) that, according to Google, yes, Forks is the wettest city of the continental US—-and yet, what the Cullens need is not the wettest, but the cloudiest city, i.e., not Forks, WA, but Burlington, VT, and how the candidates feel about this, including Elsa, who had joined her spouse behind his lectern, and Jane, who had modestly returned to her seat. And so on.

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