Apr 19, 2015

Forks (2) --- Seattle (6)

"Forks (2) --- Seattle (6)"---we stay true to form with this incomprehensible title. Almost as incomprehensible as this sign...




...yes, YES, that's why we had to visit Forks, because the place is the purported hub of the Twilight franchise:




(This picture is mildly misleading...)




(...like this one.)

We knew, of course, that the first movie---Kristen Stewart returns to her former home town to live with her father and hits upon Robert Pattison, part of the Cullens vampire clan---wasn't shot in Forks, WA, but somewhere in Oregon, and now we know why:




This is how the high school of Forks really looks like, like, although....


...the school is conveniently located right opposite to the Twilight merchandise and memorabilia store (note Alfred Hitchcock in yet another cameo appearance).


This is the store's inside (there's a guest book we signed "Hitchcock").



But what really upset us was the weather (remember, the Cullens had moved (back) to Forks because the sun, supposedly, never shines).



Okay, so, now, what? Why do we do this? Because there's a corresponding fragment from the Green Eyes. In Part II, "This is heaven," we have this vampire festival and a tribe of adolescent wannabe vampires, including a certain Taylor (which whom John already had illicit sex), and Tex, Taylor's friend. And then there's Luke (don't ask). Here we go:



Luke will understand. Luke, like all vampires, has a sixth sense for everything, including Taylor, who’s pulled by the other homophobe of his tribe across the field as we speak. Taylor isn’t keen, but his pal (“Tex”) won’t let up. “I understand Count Dracula and his folks,” I hear Tex saying as they approach, “they were mean-spirited and banking blood wasn’t on the agenda then, surely they had to feed on humans, but the Cullens of Twilight, Doctor Carlisle is a medical doctor, and they’re so preppy and above the fray and in favor of gun control, I’m sure, I’m sure they’re liberals, all of them, why don’t they just purchase blood?

Dr. Carlisle Cullen
Why this hunting of deer in the rainy forest of the Puget sound?”

“You don’t get it.”

“And you should look at the deer, these cute bambies grazing on succulent ferns growing for the occasion between the Redwood trees. And then there’s a sense of impending danger because the director of photography won’t hold still, bambi’s eye blinking backwards, at us, a cry for help that goes unanswered because we’re strapped to the comfort chairs of this multiplex, popcorn cups in hand. And now she’s off, bambi, running for her life, bambi, and Dr. Carlisle chasing her, although you can’t really see him chasing her, what you see is a vortex of black substance chasing bambi, but it is Carlisle, we can be sure, he’s implied by the story, it’s him or Emmet or Rosalie or Esme or somebody else of his clan.”



"Oops!"

The first part is out now, available as Kindle book on Amazon, under this link:


Night Owl Reviews
"click"


Go here for the previous teaser of This is heaven, and here for a selection of chapters of the Green Eyes.

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