Freedom Fries feuilleton (108)

Previously: George W. Bush worries about his legacy. Samuel Fisher, the media tycoon, worries about LYNX, his TV network. Pamela N. Timbers, dean of Berkeley law school and a former colleague of Barack Obama at Chicago law school, worries about John Yoo, the author of the torture memos. Also involved is George Lukacs, the famous hedge fund personality, another old friend of Pamela. There are rumors that Bush could be abducted to Spain to face trial for crimes against humanity. In Yoo's case, it's more than a rumor. Now Chang Man Yoon, the Yoo look alike, is on his way to Madrid, and the NSA has informed the White House that something is amiss. We are listening in on a conversation between a Situation Room staffer and the WH chief of staff:

-“We’ll have to do something.”
-“Fuck.”
-“We need to think about our options.”
-“Fuck.”
-“There are five options, Sir. One: we do nothing. Downside, newscycle in jeopardy.”
-“Fuck.”
-“Two, we intercept him, and calm him down. Downside, we may founder on his free will.”
-“Fuck.”
-“Three, we render him back to the United States. Downside, he might go straight to the talkshows and spill the beans there.”
-“Fuck.”
-“Four, we take him out on his arrival in Spain. Downside, we own a corpse.”
-“Fuck.”
-“Five, we take out the entire plane. Downside, collateral damage.”
-“Fuck.”
-“We need an executive decision.”
-“Fuck.”
-“We’ll have to wake the President.”
-“Fuck.”

***

He is having sleeping problems lately. Sometimes, he dreams that he can’t sleep, and when he awakes, only his boner is proof of Morpheus’ embrace. No, terrible, let’s edit that. Only his boner is proof that he actually did do sleep. Not great either. Only his boner is proof…he’s turning his head in the plumped pillows of his king-size maple wood bed. He hears a voice. Hillary’s voice. “It’s 3 am and your children are safe and asleep. But there is a phone in the White House, and it’s ringing (ring). Something’s happening in the world. Your vote will decide who answers that call (ring). Whether it’s someone who already knows the world’s leaders (ring), knows the military, someone tested and ready to lead in a dangerous world (ring). It’s 3am, and your children are safe and asleep. Who do you want answering that phone?”

He’s awake now. The red phone rings.

Stay tuned for the next installment on Friday, or read the entire story published so far here.