Freedom Fries feuilleton (105)

Previously: George W. Bush worries about his legacy. Samuel Fisher, the media tycoon, worries about LYNX, his TV network. Pamela N. Timbers, dean of Berkeley law school and a former colleague of Barack Obama at Chicago law school, worries about John Yoo, the author of the torture memos. Also involved is George Lukacs, the famous hedge fund personality, another old friend of Pamela. There are rumors that Bush could be abducted to Spain to face trial for crimes against humanity. In Yoo's case, it's more than a rumor. NowChang Man Yoon, the Yoo look alike, is on his way to Madrid.

He’s asked to stand upright and raise his arms. “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested,” the young guy shouts, so everybody can hear.
-“You gave up a lot of rights when you bought your ticket,” the officer replies.

Chang will never learn how this story ends (badly), as the screening tunnel agent taps on his shoulder. There is a problem with his luggage, but they have expected this.
-“Sir, could you please unpack your bag for me,” the security agent commands with flat, evenhanded politeness. Chang unpacks the bag. The officer is not interested in his underwear, nor his reading material, nor in the inconspicuous pouch containing a chestnut-colored, totally misleading wig, not in his toiletry with unmanly makeup lotions or an oversized box with wet tissues. He’s searching for the things that created two suspicious spots on the baggage screening monitor. And there they are, two fist-sized metallic balls. The agent turns the spheres in various directions, around several hypothetical axes, as if symmetry counts.
-“Sir, what are these,” he asks.
-“They are my talisman,” Chang replies — the prepared answer.
-“Why do you need two talismen, isn’t one enough?” Chang did not expect this comeback, but it doesn’t matter.
-“I inherited them from my grand aunt. I had to promise het to keep them together, always.”
The agent weighs the spheres in his hands.
-“They are hollow, right? What do they contain?”
-“Nothing, as you said. They are hollow.”
-“I think I can’t let you travel with these.”

Chang picks his key ring from the dirty plastic x-ray basket, selects a suspiciously looking tiny hook, picks up one sphere, turns in around, and inserts the hook into a tiny hole at its top. Gadget time. The ball snaps open. It’s empty. The other sphere is empty too. The agent shakes his head. Chang is so nervous, he gets cocky: “My grand-aunt inherited them as well, they were used by the Illuminati during the great Planetary Alignment. They were used for secret precious stones.” The agent shakes his head again.
-“Can I see your passport, Sir,” he asks.
Chang hands him the counterfeit passport.
-“My God, John Yoo, Professor Yoo, the author of the famous torture memos. Keeping America safe. Proud to meet you, Sir.” He hands the passport back to Chang, picks up the patriotic spheres and puts them back into Chang’s bag (between the reading material, not the underwear).
-“May I ask you, Sir, you related to the Illuminati?”
Chang recalls the gaunt gentleman with this math-speak that worked so well.
-“By transitivity,” he replies. “My aunt was. It runs in the family.”
-“The Great Alignment, you’ve got anything to do with that?”
-“Haven’t you seen Barbara Croft? The Great Alignment was 7000 years ago. It failed.”
-“My God, that was before the beginning of time. Have a good trip, Sir.”

Stay tuned for the next installment on Friday, or read the entire story published so far here.